Mixed Emotions

Day 32 - Ribadiso to O Pedrouza - 24 km

It is the big day of arrival tomorrow - only 21 km to go, and we will be on the road by 6, as we want to be in the Cathedral for the pilgrim mass at noon.



After 33 days of journey, we will be at our destination. I am in a bit of turmoil, and I am sure I am not alone.
How will I feel on arrival?

Yesterday, I was discussing this with a woman on her second Camino. She said she felt there should have been bells rung or a brass band to mark her arrival. But it is an internal experience.

Last time, I felt flat, with little emotion - drained, really. ¨Is that all there is? ¨ I thought.After the buildup and excitement as we neared, the 32 days of walking, the anticipation. But when the botifumeira flew ( the incense burner, which is huge) I burst into tears, and was in touch with my mixed emotions and my ambivalence.

On one hand, I am glad that it is over. Unpacking every night, packing up every morning, carrying a heavy backpack, waking in the night and wondering where I am, where the servicios are, and whether I am on a top or bottom bunk, the limited choices on the menus compared to home, the wear and tear on my body, the exhaustion.

But there are losses to grieve on arrival. The end of the camraderie - perhaps 100 people we have met and had a personal connection with, and will never see again. Eating dinner every night with a constantly changing group of brave adventurous interesting people from around the world. The beautiful panorama of every day. The endorphins and high that comes with the 6 hours of walking. The freedom from responsibilities and obligations to others in our life at home. The uncertainty in returning to our old life - are there changes we want to make - do we pick up where we left off, or let go of some parts of it?

All I needed, I carried in my backpack. What about all the stuff at home?

How can I be the me that walked the Camino - my best self - in the world I return to?

Santiago!

Wednesday, Oct 10, Arzua to Santiago - 20 km

I´m here in Santiago. I felt like I had to go through purgatory to get here though. I decided to try to make the 12:00 mass for pilgrims in the Cathedral, so I figured I could walk 20 km in 5 hours, and I did. But it was a challenge as usual. I left in the dark at 7 am, with my headlamp. The trail was through a spooky woods of eucalyptus trees - no birds, and lots of mud. It also was very difficult to find the trail at some turning points, and contrary to my expectations, there were not a lot of pilgrims on the trail. At times I felt very alone, and when I walked under the runway of the airport, with planes landing over my head, it felt very surreal. I had a cafe con leche at about 9 am, with only 13 km to go. The owner says she loves the Camino, but it has become very commercial, and there are too many pilgrims and not enough beds in the summer. When I came out of the bar, I could finally do without my headlamp, and I felt very strong from then on.

The rain held off until just before I entered the cathedral, at about 11:50- just in time for the mass. That was a very powerful walk, to accomplish today in 5 hours, and the whole thing too. Today is Oct 10, and I started walking  September 11, so I spend 15 days walking, and 15 in Rabanal. Quite a feeling of accomplishment for me!

I was feeling rather empty in the mass, and was sitting on the floor of the cathedral - there were no seats to be had. I could see no one I knew, and felt connected to. It was all in Spanish, with some brief speeches from the foreign priests there. But just when I thought it was done, they swung the botafumero, and I started to sob. I guess then it finally hit me, that I was here, I am done, and this was part of the reward - as I didn´t see it when I was here in 2007. But it is going to be hard to stop walking.

I checked into the albergue, and made a list of what I want to do and see, as I have 3 days here. I have walked a great deal of the old town and  I found several restaurants, and I want to try and get a free meal at the Parador. You have to line up, so perhaps I will check it out tomorrow. I am going to take a tour of the roof of the cathedral! I hope it clears up for the tour. It is so misty, and I am not sure if my laundry will ever dry - it is supposed to hang in the air shaft of the albergue! I had wet socks for 2 days, and they don´t smell too pretty - we call it pilgrim perfume.

So I am done this part of my adventure. I hope I can relax and enjoy the time here. I hope that the other 4 occupants of the room here will want to go to bed by 10 pm - light out are at 11. Santiago is a beautiful city, with fabulous buildings everywhere you look, so I have the time to really appreciate it.

Blessings from
Darlene, the complete pilgrim

A river runs through it

Tuesday, Oct 9, Ribadiso to Arza/Pedroza - 24 km

It rained all day today, except for a few brief times. Light, but relentless rain. There was a stream, and sometimes a brook, running down the middle of the camino. Fortunately, there was a bar right beside the albergue, so I was able to have my cafe con leche, and hot milk with meusli in it, before I set off. Today was a day to snack on chocolate, though I also had cheese, a mandarin orange and a lovely local pear. The trail today was mostly downhill, with very few ascents, except at the beginning, so it made for a less exhausting day. I arrived fairly early in the town with 2 names - one is Castillian, and one is Gallician, I think. I am in a very nice albergue, and my laundry is done.

Most people seemed very lazy in the albergue this morning. When I left at 7:30, lots were still in bed, and everyone has to be out by 8. I think the rain was discoraging them, and many people have said they were slowing down, as they were reluctant to leave the trail and have it all end. Many seem to be in transition in their lives, and probably were hoping for a big revelation. Perhaps it arrived, or perhaps in the cathedral, or perhaps in returning to their old life. I expect changes in my life, and I hope to be less busy, but that may take a lot of work to get to that place.

On the way into town there was a tourist info, probably sponsored by an association of albergues, and they offered to book something in Santiago, so I took advantage of their service, and tomorrow I will be staying at O Fogar de Teodoriro, near the Cathedral, and for 3 nights!! This is the first time I have booked ahead, but I know my destination tomorrow, for certain. I am 21 km from the cathedral right now, so I expect to arrive early afternoon. I am very excited, and am making a list of things to do while I am there. Any suggestions? I don´t think I will be in time for the service at 12, but I think I will go every day, to see if I can find any pilgrims I met along the way

I´m off to dinner. No pulpo tonight. Tomorrow I post from Santiago!

Darlene